On March 21, 2015 little did I know, my entire life was going to change. And when I say change, I mean it was going to be flipped upside down as in someone just emptied a large garbage truck into my home and completely shattered my heart & 3 children’s heart with immense loss, grief and littered with heaps of garbage. I (along with 3 children) lost my husband suddenly and without any notice. He was 46 years old, with almost the picture of health, though not perfect – human and average. Over 25 years we spent together living life, raising our kids and filling future dreams (almost 18 married years at the time and 6 years dating). We lived life like most normal families, tag teaming, sharing in all the ups and downs and trials of life. But, out of no where on this particular night right there and then on May 21, 2015- at 4:10 am little did I know at the time…I was left with a heap for me to filter and recreate my entire life. I simply tried to wake my husband from what I thought was snoring. Within minutes and on the phone with 911 I realized this was not snoring. I was clueless and that entire night and next year I lived in a bit of a fog. So, here I am, 45 years old (43 at the time) and almost 22 months later – finally ready to share my story of “Widowhood” with other people who are also following this path, or any other variety of trauma or sudden loss. I never asked for this life. Some days I’m lost wondering why me…why am I still here? Other days, I find small amounts of joy. Everyday I encounter new struggles, new lessons and reasons to keep taking steps…some days baby steps…other days giant steps. Either way, however I step…I have come to realize that somehow this loss was placed on my plate and it is mine to figure out and navigate. So, I have chosen to journey along each day, seeking strength, joy and adventures – along with my 3 children (ages 18, 16 and 14) and 4 dogs (2 labs and 2 rescue part dachshunds). My children bring me strength, my dogs swaddle me with comfort…and I continue to discover courage to find my way in this new life. I have much to share! I am hopeful for each day to bring further acceptance of the most incomprehensible loss – in this new book of life I am creating. I hope to share my struggles, my triumphs and daily journey as a way to accept my loss and coping with great grief. I hope to connect with others and inspire life into one more day for even just one person reading this. Thank you for reading my story and please share yours. I know I am not alone….
Thank you for reading and sharing in my journey,